“In reality there is perhaps no one of our natural Passions so hard to subdue as pride. Disguise it, struggle with it, beat it down, stifle it, mortify it as much as one pleases, it is still alive, and will every now and then peep out and show itself…For even if I could conceive that I had completely overcome it, I should probably be proud of my humility.” – Benjamin Franklin
SECRET CONFESSIONS! (as of February 26, 2009)
As I look outside at the picturesque ocean today…I recall asking myself for months now; “When I moved back to N.J. this past year, is this truly what I really desired, (in a material sense) so that I could continue the work on the website?
So that I could be in close proximity to my daughter and son-n-law, and be able to see my grand daughter when ever possible, knowing that I had made a decision to sell my car in Florida, and had no desire to purchase another, because I felt no great need to, until I could become somewhat financially secure again.
For most of the time, I received the same answer…..”Yes, this will do, I will live out this 1 year lease, until the success of the website business can bring me the income to be able to move somewhere more affordable, and simple, than the condo I am in right now.” Another voice was also battling with me, telling me that ‘financial success’ had always felt like a struggle throughout my life, even though I knew that I was a success in the sense of what I believed meant success to me.
But was it all I really wanted, to be able to walk on the wonderful boardwalk, around my neighborhood, and have a nice lake close by to spent time in nature, to feel inner peace or to relieve any restlessness, and be able to balance my mind, body and spirit with what I had attracted? Was that really enough for me to work through some HUMAN EMOTIONS, and also to have my basic human needs met? That, is something I question at this time.
I have always had a tremendous amount of faith that for most of my life I was able to financially support myself. But at those times, I may have not been as grateful as I should have been, because I was still worrying about why I had only gotten just what I needed, and never any more than that.
Finally listening to the THE VOICE WITHIN, and caring for my own HUMAN EMOTIONS, of doing some wonderful healing, I found a way of taking the time from my business to meditate on my life. That is when I knew something needed to change. And THE SECRET MOVIE was introduced to me, by a wonderful coach that had stated she believed I was going through a transformation in my life. And that she thought the movie would help me through this process. It was the biggest eye opener for me, and I actually was laughing at a few unbelievable things that had happened, once I knew that my own thinking had created my entire life.
Listening well to THE VOICE WITHIN, and believing that if I could imagine money flowing easily to me now, would have to eventually shows it’s signs, because I wanted so much to believe that this is a universal law. And also that if I could ‘give something beautiful to others first” (in a spiritual sense), my gifts and talents, that it would be returned to me tenfold when I really needed it also, and it had touched on a spiritual belief of mine.
Did I believe about fourteen months later, that the only way I could feel inspired is to be looking out at the ocean, the beautiful sky with the big fluffy clouds, and watching the birds fly above me knowing that I could feel as free as they do, living in the moment, appreciating what I had attracted to myself by using the UNIVERSAL LAWS OF ATTRACTION? Yes, and I was completely grateful for all of this working so perfectly!
Did I believe that if I could work on healing old wounds, moving forward on my enlightenment path to my own transformation, and to be able to share all I have learned with the rest of the world, through my blog writing (which I believed was my new calling,) would help support me financially? If I learned all this new technology, and did my best to learn to enjoy it, even when I knew deep inside it was feeling like a struggle to succeed in the process…and not really enjoying the process?
Even though I believed in my heart and soul that when I started out on this journey that life was suppose to be more effortless now….and if I kept believing in my big dreams (from 3 years back), that once I was able to work through my own particular life issues and experiences, learning now that it’s all about being more aware of it through a higher consciousness state of being, that eventually things would unfold in divine and perfect order?
Yes, very much so…everything I said above is all I believed, for most all the time. Everything I have written throughout the website, during the times it was occurring, and was told to you in that specific order, as it was happening.
So why do I call this post SECRET CONFESSIONS?
Because I have to be honest with myself and also honest with you. I felt that everything I have already written from the very beginning had to be told as I did, because we must put ourselves in a positive and happy state of mind practicing the UNIVERSAL LAWS OF ATTRACTION, and in believing that it is already all here. That you are living it now, and of course being grateful for where you are and what you already have. And that is what I have been practicing faithfully! For almost three years.
But what you may not know is that …..if I was to speak of my continuous struggle with money throughout my life, I believed I would only be pushing it further away from me. I know ….that I “never” did tell you that I had already reached financial abundance, throughout my writing, but I also felt I was living a lie if I could not talk directly to you about where I was right now, ‘financially’ on this new journey. My story was to be told so that it could inspire you to see what has worked so beautifully while following the UNIVERSAL LAWS OF ATTRACTION.
Remember, the most important thing about people is what we’re like inside, not what we own or what we’ve accomplished.
And I also “haven’t” mentioned in detail ALL the many wonderful miracles that have shown to be true, by allowing me to be on this journey for as long as I have been, because of my deep faith, that I am always being protected, even when I might lose a little faith when the reality might not seem to be matching up with my faith.
It was absolutely a miracle starting from the first time I had attracted “The secret movie” to help me to brake free from living in the fear of how I was causing my reality from the thoughts that I held on to for so long, but also wanted to believe that my thoughts may have even kept me a prisoner to many of my past self limiting beliefs….. ” money had always been a struggle for me.” I was extremely excited to get to the root of why I always got what I needed, but not always what I wanted when it came to finances.
I see now that this relationship with money, of thinking that money is hard to come by, has been so embedded in me since childhood, that it has been causing this reality, I am very much trying to deal with this issue at this time. And I had intended to click-(as I wrote in this last post of ending MY STORY) to explain what has worked well, and what has not, in my particular life experiences, by compiling a package called SECRET CONFESSIONS. But I believed that it would be something that I could have you purchase, as my first business product.
And my honest feelings have been “Is there any way for me to make an income from some source….. on the internet? ”
And I was assuming that I was gaining some correct knowledge from all these challenges of how anybody can make money on the internet, and they seemed as if they all had something to sell. And I believed that this was a deep passion from within, wanting to tell “my story” so that others could succeed (in the ways that I have) with THE SECRET MOVIE.
But I was also working through believing that I deserved to be compensated for all the work I have been doing for over two years now, since I had closed my last physical business. Knowing that NOTHING has been coming my way financially, and yes, I am on a very spiritual path, but I am living a ‘Human Experience’, and was feeling anger, sadness, doubt, and lots of suffering…..asking myself ” why am I so stuck at this part of the law of attraction not coming to me easily?”
The most important truths that I have always stood by was bringing ethics and spirituality into a business (which I have repeatedly stated), and I have tried not to judge what I have already experienced with some of these businesses on line, but I must tell you that many go against my values, concerning giving people the personal attention that we all deserve.
I feel so wholeheartedly that we need to feel trusting of using their programs/services etc, and I was feeling so disappointed to some of their tactics of using the same type of sales letters to rail you in, but thank goodness I trusted my gut (THE VOICE WITHIN) to not jump into any of them, especially while feeling in fear of how I could make my website business succeed. I am so very grateful to have witnessed them, so that I know what I didn’t want to do while creating my website business. I don’t think I need to clarify how important it is to have you trust me, if you have scrolled through all the ‘Enlightened’ Business section of the blog.
But I also believe that there are plenty of ethical businesses, doing the work they love, and I am sure that they are spiritually and financially successful with their businesses. I have placed so many of them in the website, and soon when it is the right timing I still feel that I will attract all of life’s abundance, and feel wonderful that we have been able to do this working more “As One.”
But I know that if I was fearing and focusing on those negative thoughts, that is why I was attracting just that.
So, when December came around and I believed it was now time to open up that “Enlightened Business” section of the blog, which I felt so incredibly excited about, I really did feel convinced that my soul purpose was to do what my credentials could obviously offer you. Thinking I needed a specific title, when I knew from the very beginning that the mission behind the website was always very clear to me.
Love and acceptance is not bought by giving our power away. We do that by believing opinions and judgments from others to the truth because we think they know something we don’t. Why do we believe their choices and perceptions have more importance than our own?
I see now, that what I was feeling my purpose was…. ‘what could I do’ rather than ‘who am I and how can I act in a manner that is true to myself?’ I have been reading often that the suffering we feel is because many of us just can’t identify what that may be, and that is what has caused me to feel so much confusion, for quit a while now. And also how can we make money from it? That is a very natural and logical question.
But just today, I have realized that the turmoil I was feeling, had come from not feeling settled about what I knew it was;
I AM A SPIRITUAL MESSENGER, that wants to be there for you in any way I can. To offer you the unconditional love and acceptance to where you may be on your path, and to make you feel good, by giving you encouragement and inspiration to make the changes in yourself. And to be able to assist you with the website, to find what you may need.
Loving you, and allowing you to learn through your own experiences. I believe I am here now… to be the light for you…by showing you the way. Offering you every means available to be able to heal and feel at peace, and to be enlightened on your personal and spiritual journey to life’s abundance.
I don’t know at this time, how I will make a living with this, but it no longer is a concern as long as I know that I am only doing the work on the website that brings me joy.
I have a deep desire to share all I have learned by offering this to you. The intentions was to help keep you inspired and motivated while following along with my story, and at the same time, that it was all happening, so that you could feel more trusting of me, and also anyone involved that was helping me to reach my successes. One of my other passions is…..I enjoy marketing and promoting others that I truly believe in.
And my intentions was to allow them to help you start you on your own journey to discover what your own gifts may be, to follow those dreams, and to be able to give you all the tools you may need, throughout the website to find more inner peace, love, happiness and success in the way that you feel it means to you!
All of you who already know me, also know that if I have been transforming and discovering “who I am now” I could not possibly believe that ‘only an ocean’ could give me the inner peace that I was yearning for. Even if you have just found this site, I’m sure you must have surmised that no woman who desired to create such a sacred place as this, could feel satisfied or fulfilled…. until she knew that she is making a difference in the world, in some way or another.
But I was starting to feel the shame of failing, believing that I still have not succeeded with this new website business financially and also, after using avenues of technology that measures how well your website is doing. Even though at times I was feeling hopeful when people came to me to tell me that it had made a wonderful difference, in some way.
But THE VOICE WITHIN finally said…. it is time to surrender!
I believed I was coming to terms with the very real limits of my own abilities. Recognizing my limitations. That would never mean abandoning my dreams. And it doesn’t mean giving up on learning new things or improving my existing abilities. But it did lead me to a place of acceptance of what is really important to me at this particular time.
“Emotions reflect intentions.
Therefore, awareness of emotions leads to awareness of intentions.
Every discrepancy between a conscious intention and the emotions that accompany it,
points directly to a splintered aspect of the self that requires healing.”
Gary Zukav
When you received an email, or read this post -Can you….PUT A LITTLE LOVE IN YOUR HEART?
I was dealing with a very difficult self-limiting believe that was ingrained in me…..Don’t ask anybody for anything….especially a donation, because in my adoptive family’s eyes you were accepting charity. And I was never suppose to take anything from anyone. And another belief was…. that you should look down on people that tried to get something for FREE!
This was told to me while I was in the home of a family that was well to do, and I am sure they never knew that I would be needing to use these avenues once I had left their home, and had many financial adversities on my path. And if I knew to drop those beliefs, my entire world would have turned out much differently. But that is why I have always believed we are exactly where we are suppose to be! That is something that has given me peace, and let me learn how to forgive them, and know that they did the best they could with what they knew.
Yup, I had lived with those beliefs up until a few years back even in my business, which I am sure now had blocked a flow of money coming to me in an awful lot of ways. The thing I have learned just a week ago, is that I can ask for what I believe I am deserving of, but first making sure that it is not done out of fear, or anger, or out of any negative emotion as I ask of it.
“Inside yourself or outside, you never have to change what you see, only the way you see it.“~ Thaddeus Golas
Neale Donald Walsh is one of the many teachers/mentors that has helped me on my path, and these are FREE messages,(among many FREE AVENUES) that I know now have gotten me this far in the last three years)And I am so grateful to him.
They start off my day perfectly!
You too can sign up for them on his website Daily Inspiration, if you so choose.
On this day of your life, dear friend, I believe God wants you to know…
.…that there is a solution. There is. But you must keep
going to find it. You cannot stop, you cannot give up.
This is about more than just patience. This is about
more than just persistence. This is about absolute
knowing that God is on your side.
When you know this, you never give up…and the
sense of struggle goes away. You simply keep moving
forward, knowing that in the end all will work out.
And that along the way there will be great insights
and wonderful remembering.
Love, Your Friend…. Neale
If we haven’t realized that there is a lot more info. to the THE SECRET MOVIE, or if we are not willing to take the time to learn all we need to learn from all the teachers (and there are many of them) if you give up because you feel badly about not achieving some of the goals you set out to accomplish, yes…. you can feel deep disappointment or failure. And possibly, it can even be damaging to your self-esteem. And you may feel a lack of empowerment.
But…the big but is, are you willing to keep believing in yourself, in your dreams, and also do what it takes to have the faith to stay on your spiritual path, and believe that if you take a path of least resistance that you just might get exactly what you desired. Maybe in a different way then you had expected because it may be for your greater good. Maybe you have not defined it clearly enough, cause you just don’t know how to, or because what is most important to you, may not have been shown to you yet. Can you try to think in those terms?
I was not able to find the means to live out my lease in this condo, but taking a path of least resistance, and keeping love in my heart has given me the freedom of knowing I no longer must do anything that I do not feel I need to do. And I know now that whatever I attracted was for my own good, to get me closer to who I really am. Especially when we change ourselves from the inside out, so do many of our new beliefs, and again may need to adjust our new desires. I am so grateful to another form of letting go that has brought me peace, that I want to share with you in future posts.
What happens is not as important as how you react to what happens. ~Thaddeus Golas
You may be asking….So what did I learn from this experience that can take me closer to “who I am” and how can I be living in a way that I will be fulfilled…..so that you too can see how this can work for you?
I know that by doing whatever I have to do to keep in spirit, and working through my heart first, that I will be protected financially, and because I took this new approach I feel absolutely liberated!
Things turned out better right now, than I could have ever imagined in my past life, as I have been learning all I have in the past 3 years or so. And I am so grateful to all the many beautiful individuals on my path, for their help and new insights. And hopefully I can tell you how each one of them offered me something wonderful that I will treasure forever, and also to be able to introduce you to all of them.
I have decided to continue these SECRET CONFESSIONS in the next few posts, because I believe you will be curious to where all this will be taking me. But I do believe that only good will come out of it, and I also will know that it can help you in some way or another with so much more enlightenment on your own path!
So please do stay tuned to the opening of this new category of ‘Secret Confessions.’
Thank you for reading this very looog post, and my intentions of the next ones being much shorter. I promise! (smile)
Let us not be content to wait and see what will happen, but give us the determination to make the right things happen.~Peter Marsh
Gratitude Donation
Are you grateful for all the love in your life? If my work has helped change your life for the better and you want to show your appreciation, contributions of any amount are gratefully accepted.
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Great doubt will eventually lead to great awakening. 
Han Yongun
